If you thought The Honeymooners remake was bad

My wife regularly teases me that someone will remake Caddyshack with an all black cast. Out of boredom (and an attempt to own my fear), I will now try to cast the main characters in the movie, titled (of course) 'Tha Shack'

Ted Knight/Judge Elihu Smails - Phil Morris
The go to beaugois black guy, last seen as the foil to Wanda Sykes in her short lived sitcom.

Chevy Chase/Ty Webb - Damon Wayans
Samuel L. Jackson should own this role, but he wouldn't take it, considering the movie would be packed with athlete and rapper cameos. Now that My Wife & Kids is cancelled, Damon has some time on his hands. He would have to play it straight though; I still don't forgive him for ruining Bamboozled.

Michael O'Keefe/Danny Noonan - Nick Cannon
I think he is still young looking enough to play a teenager. And as Dave Chappelle's son knows, he's hilarious.

Rodney Dangerfield/Al Czervik - Busta Rhymes
Unlike, for example, L. L. Cool J, who is equal parts actor and rapper, Busta is a rapper first. He can act a little though; his performance in Finding Forrester was credible. He could easily play the over the top blinged out rapper who joins the club, annoying the more conservative members.

Bill Murray/Carl Spackler - Mike Epps
Another role that should go to someone else (Dave Chappelle could just reprise his role in Undercover Brother and clean up, but I would be too afraid he would leave halfway through filming to get his head right in Somalia). Since Mike is contractually obligated to appear in every black ensemble cast, I'll put him here.

Of course, there would be scenes that would make me squirm in my seat:

• The Escalade golf cart with spinning rims
• The video hoochie selling Kool-Aid, shots of Hennessey and White Owl cigars out of the beverage cart. Or worse, Moniqué manning the beverage cart
• Everyone showing up to the movie ending golf battle wearing red shirts and black pants, like Tiger Woods

When it movie comes out, I’ll cry. The only way it could be worse is if the announcer says ‘From the producers of Soul Plane’ during the commercial.

WTF?!?

He had to go all the way to South Africa to get his mind right?

Comedy Central star Dave Chappelle has checked himself into a mental health
facility in South Africa, the magazine Entertainment Weekly reported on
Wednesday
....
Chappelle flew from Newark, N.J., to South Africa on April 28 for
treatment, said the magazine, quoting a source close to the show it would not
identify. Entertainment Weekly said it had corroborating sources for its
story.

Viacom might as well release the season 2 DVD now. The discs may warp if they are waiting to coincide the release with the start of season 3.

The Jennifer Wilbanks package

Courtesy of the New York Post:

Bolting bride Jennifer Wilbanks was chaste away — by her fiancé's insistence on abstinence, friends of the sex-deprived couple claim.

"She told people the fact that she and [husband-to-be John Mason] were not
having sex was upsetting," a friend of Wilbanks' told People magazine, which
hits newsstands today.

Mason was once a "wild" guy who "dated a lot," his running pal Ted King
said.
But he became a born-again virgin — eschewing premarital sex — five
years ago after pledging himself to his Baptist faith, friends said.

"He's been saving himself for the right woman," Mason's friend Andy
Parsons told the magazine.
And friends say that likely drove the marathon
enthusiast to run — from the altar.
In Wilbanks' hometown of Gainsville,
girlfriends told The Post the 32-year-old woman had once enjoyed a very active
social life — regularly dating men from a local gym as well as firemen.

Some travel agency should come up with the runaway bride package. It would include roundtrip bus tickets from anywhere in the continental U.S. to Las Vegas, three night’s lodging and access to a nightclub in one of the casinos hotels. For women with self esteem issues, escort services can be provided for an extra fee.

I'm Late, Biatch!

Well, damn.

In a surprise announcement Wednesday, Comedy Central said that the highly
anticipated third season of Dave
Chappelle's show will not make its May 31 premiere date.
a d v e r t i s
e m e n t

"Comedy Central has suspended production on the third season
of Chappelle's Show until further notice," network spokesman Tony Fox said in a
brief statement. "All parties are optimistic that production will resume in the
near future."

No official reason was given for the shutdown, but sources told E! News
that Chappelle has been MIA from the set for weeks. There was no indication on
how long the suspension would last.

He must be able to afford the really good weed now.